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Saturday, October 1, 2011

.///..././..../////..././/.///././././/////.

long days make for easy heartbreaks when the heart is as weak as the day is long and the mind aches as deep as the night sky is dark.

i may just be ready to dig my hole and break away into the gentle mud

tell me a story about a day past when love was fresh and vibrant and just so easy to feel

im so drawn down into the earth and you cant come down to me and i cant stretch any harder i cant reach any farther

your beautiful eyes so timid so bright, you are the only star in my sky

shining and glimmering you are the one thing i cant reach and the only being worth reaching for.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

and so it is.

My head rests upon your pillow, twisted in blankets, sheets wrapped around me like a wrestler his opponent. I'm waiting for you to reenter your room. I'm anxious wondering how long it will take you to realize I'm nude beneath all this raveled mess of extreme softness bound around my body.

Then, there you are. smiling. happy, content. speaking lowly. You lay near me. touching my face gently, as you move the hair away from my eyes and mouth. telling me I'm a pretty face with a beautiful soul, you rest your chin against my forehead and before I realize it I'm waking up to your chin against my forehead.

I sneak away, get dressed and return to find you waiting. you have little words to describe much but many words to describe me.

Saying you want to get to know the beauty inside the beauty and understand the beast in her that screams a constant howling cry. You take my hand, look me in the eye and tell me I'm you're best friend.


Monday, July 18, 2011

thick
sinking
holding
you can not imagine
thick
sinking
holding
you can not dream
thick
holding
sinking
you cannot compare
thick
holding
sinking
you can not change me
stop trying.
child your eyes tell a story
deeper than your soul
inside every little corner
is a secret one should know
dont be afraid to share
your pains have been felt elsewhere
i am here to stay
i refuse to leave your side
the way everyone left mine.

when you can only think the word "FUCK"

& you know its not the word to say.

i feel as though you've taken my toes and put a hammer to each of them, gently caressing my freshly shaven legs and smiling that condescending smile through your deadly eyes, tracing your knife up and down until every ligament has been tore muscle hanging out of my stripped legs, tears falling and i beg you I'll try harder, to do better, knowing i can no longer stand i try ... unconvincing, you lay me down and whisper sweet words of love and trust just waiting for me to calm enough to sleep as my body feels its need to slip away, you gently stitch me up and nurse me to health, hardly able to stand you hold my neck and smack me across the face, reminding me i am not to become the thing you love, i am not to become the thing you need. i am only hear to fulfill your wishes, which i am doing poorly. eager to stay silent, i put bread into my mouth, choking on it as i try to swallow and not tear up...

never to be good enough
for the unrealistic goals you've set
can you dance the rhythm set for a flag
can you fall against the glass
not feeling the shards break your skin
here i am slipping once again
well fuck you and all you have to say
i don't need to remember the words
or even your ways
i have learned once before this is how you'll stay
tricking me in to peaceful thoughts
then reminding me of horrible pains
i can stand amidst the broken skies
and i can rise higher than any star
so fuck you and yours truly
id rather bury my own grave than do this one more time.
the flowers are soft and itchy. just the way they have always been when i lay upon them. your hand is a great distance i cannot reach. i am shy of it. fearful. to let you take my whole self. who can be so magical to conjure up a spell to cast upon this broken heart that could possibly faint my pain long enough to make me smile for a whole day long.
the craving

i see it i smell it i want it
to feel it
i need it i love it
i want it inside me
i love it i love it
it makes me
doesnt break me
you just dont understand
how i am lifted
all it takes is a few
gentle tears
flesh give away
lovely blood to show
i need it
i need it.
noone will understand.